SPEAKERS CORNER
kim gunning mooney on being a writer
One Day You Have Time
When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a writer, just like Louisa May Alcott or E.B. White. I wrote poems and short stories, following my dream to be a famous writer. No, wait. Can you hear the screech of brakes? I didn’t become that writer. Not even close! I went to university, studied mathematics instead of creative writing and carried on living life. Marriage, children, an eclectic career but no writing. You couldn’t make a living doing that now could you?
The writing dream stayed on the shelf until I retired in 2016. As I approached this time where my focus was changing, I reached up to the dusty shelf and lifted my old dream down. Now that one season of my life was ending, I wanted to see if writing could be part of the new season. With incredible trepidation, I went off to a week-long writer’s retreat. I spent much of the week thinking about writing but barely touching the keys of my computer. I had an idea and a bit of an outline. Not much more. I spent any free time lounging on my bed, reading other people’s books. Then the big challenge-36 hours of silent time when we were encouraged to put the final touches on our projects (the ones we had been working on all week. Oops!) It seems we were expected to present our little masterpieces on the last day of the retreat. Obviously, I missed that line in the brochure.
So, I wrote and on the last day, I stood and read my piece. When I finished, no one made a sound. Not one sound. Crashing silence. Then slowly, people began to clap and then, they stood and kept clapping. Tears slipped down my face, bouncing off my shaking fingers. In that moment I knew the new season had begun. I went home, blew the cobwebs off the dream, and began to type. I slapped away the fear of failure and kept typing. For two years I typed, rewrote, typed some more. Finally, it was done. My book, Hidden Daughter-Secret Sister, A Story of Adoption was complete. With a whole new set of fears, I sent my manuscript off to publishers. Rejection letters mounted up on my table. But then, one day a different kind of letter arrived, a miracle letter. Someone wanted to publish my work. The end of a dream and the beginning of the new season. My book was published in October 2020.
Life surprises us when we least expect it and this new time in my life, well, it is a good time. Surprise! As said in Ecclesiastes 3:1 and reframed by the Byrds in “Turn! Turn! Turn!”:
For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity.
You can read more about Kim and buy her latest book, Hidden Daughter, Secret Sister from her website, https://www.kim-mooney.com/
SPEAKERS CORNER
barb d on the death of a spouse
A very good friend of mine, Barb D. is a widow as am I. We became friends when she started a meet up group for widows and widowers to get together for coffee and talk about our "new" status, with other people who understood
She recently posted a tribute to her late husband on the fourth year anniversary of his death on Facebook and has kindly agreed to share it on this site. I think it is beautiful and so true.
Four years ago today, I lost my life partner, the father of my children, and my dear friend. Each year that passes signifies a new chapter in my life as a widow, and acceptance of my single status after 32 years of marriage.
There are days I reflect on the years Serge and I had together and feel regret that I didn’t respond to some things differently. There are other days I reflect with anger thinking of the bumpy terrain where our marriage often resided. Other times I peruse the hundreds of photos I have and am fondly reminded of our many camping trips with the kids, all their activities we were actively involved with, all our dinners out, our travels - both domestic and abroad, and the many, many live stage performances we attended in Vancouver, London, and New York. And I love reminiscing on the many road trips we took. Serge loved driving and was never daunted by bad weather or traffic conditions. It was non-negotiable that he would always be the driver, and that was fine by me.
He revelled in the planning of our trips and I was happy to leave it up to him because he was a master planner. Like everything he did, it was all carried out with impeccable detail. As a result, things rarely went awry.
I often think back at how comfortable we became in our imperfect union. To each other, we were like an old slipper. We carried no grudges. Whatever challenges we had in the past, were long behind us. We had gone through so much together and it all seemed to bring us closer. We came to accept and embrace each other’s faults and weaknesses. Serge knew well enough to never ask me for directions and I knew to never ask him to go dancing.
After spending decades with the same person and suddenly facing your unexpected single status, you begin an interesting journey of self- discovery. Who am I without the influence of my spouse? I no longer need to compromise or allow for another person’s preferences. I am living without the input of my husband when making big and small decisions and he’s not here to offer his perspective on world events.
I think many of us put aside a little piece of ourselves in the name of love. We often find those little pieces again when we meet our new status as a single person.
I miss Serge more than words can express. I ache for his presence, but I’m fine. I like being with me. I am blessed with many, many, close, meaningful relationships and have a lot of people in my life who I’ve been friends with for over 25 years - some going back to my youth. Also, my children and my step- children are a regular reminder of Serge. I see a bit of their dad in each of them and love that I do.
Life goes on and I find contentment and joy in a different reality from the one I knew for over three decades. I’ve also found strength and resilience I didn’t know I had.